The Call to Blog

1. What is the main theme, idea, or point that you want your reader to get from this text? I want my reader to understand how important Christmas is for my family. Besides that I would like my readers to understand a little bit how my family used to celebrate Christmas at my grandma’s house and how the nativity set she had made me understand the true purpose of Christmas.
   
   
2. What mental images or other sensory impressions will help your reader accept and/or understand your main theme, idea, or point? I described the smell of the food my family cooked, the songs that we would sing and also I focus on describing the decorations we had around my grandma’s house and especially her nativity set.
   
   
3. In other words, what should your reader see, hear, feel–or even smell or taste? My reader should be able to create a vivid image of what my grandma’s nativity set was like. They should be able to see detail what it looked like and why I was so amazed by it. My readers should also be able to hear the voices of some of the members of my family and also smell the aroma of the food I described.

Ì Now look at the text you have already written.

Before
I am amazed to think about entering the patio again and walking into each and every room and enjoy the freshness of it, the smell of nature, and the smell of pure soil. If hope and peace had a smell, the smell of those rooms would be it. However, there was this room that would be like a sanctuary for the family. No other room could have been more important to me in remembering what Christmas was really all about. This room was located exactly in front of the patio coming from the entrance. This room was alive, alive with colors, alive with decoration and alive in every sense. A huge nativity set that was never removed stood in a corner and it took almost half of the room. The nativity set was composed of many levels. At the bottom level, little figurines of plastic animals such as fishes and shepherds with sheep would give you a warm welcome into the room. The nativity set had plants, real and fresh flowers and rocks just like a real landscape. In the second level of the nativity set were the three wise men who stood as if walking up to greet baby Jesus with the gifts of gold, incense and myrrh. Up at the highest level just a little below a bright and shinny star would be the manger where on Christmas night baby Jesus would be laid.

After
I am astonished to think about going back in time and enter the patio again and walk into each and every room to enjoy the freshness of its smells and decorations. If I could give the Christmas’s spirit a smell, the smell of my grandma’s house it’s the right one for me. However, there was this room that would be the sanctuary of the family. No other room could be more important to me in remembering Christmas than the room at which we gathered, the room at which the Nativity Set would live, in all the meaning of the word. This room was the first room to encounter coming from the main entrance and located exactly at the center of the whole house. This room was alive, alive with colors, alive with decoration and alive in every sense. An enormous Nativity Set that was never removed stood in a corner, taking almost half of the room. The nativity set was composed of many levels. At the bottom level, little figurines of plastic animals such as fishes and shepherds with sheep would give you a warm welcome into the room. The nativity set had plants, real and fresh flowers and rocks just like any real landscape. The pupils of my eyes wouldn’t get tired of admiring the splendor at which I find myself, radiant colors coming from Christmas light series, flowers, and figurines would keep me speechless. In the second level of the nativity set were the three wise men who stood as if walking up to greet baby Jesus with the gifts of gold, incense and myrrh. It was as if I was really watching how the kings traveled to greet baby Jesus. And up at the highest level of the Nativity Set, just a little below a bright and shiny star, you would find the manger where on Christmas night baby Jesus would be laid.

1. Decide how this passage should contribute to the reader’s understanding of your main theme, idea, or point.
   - The description of the whole Nativity Set should provide the feelings and emotions that I was experiencing when watching standing there. This passage should be if not the most important passage because through the Nativity Set I was bringing together my understanding of Christmas.
2. Based on the role of this passage in this text, decide how it should be revised.
   -The revision should include looking for the words that convey strongest emotions and words that give the best detail of my experience.
3. Does it overwhelm the reader with too much detail, obscuring the purpose of the passage?   If so, which details are really needed, and which ones can be cut?
   - I think the detail is good for the purpose of the passage in which I want my reader being able to picture exactly what I was watching.
4. Does it convey a strong image or other sensory impression?  If not, how can the image or impression be strengthened?
   -I believe that the descriptions of the nativity set do convey strong emotions, sensory impressions and strong images.

BEFORE

On this day, however, my uncle did not need to do anything in the garage. My uncle had brought a puppy. My dad had called me to come outside. It was close to getting dark, as the daylight savings time hadn’t fully kicked in by that time, and I felt the mild air that was typical for spring. One could imagine my surprise when I saw a little object playing in my backyard. I saw this little brown thing sniffing the ground. I got excited and I immediately went up to the dog to pet it. I didn’t care if the dog had bitten me because all I wanted to do was play with it. It had soft brown fur that felt like velvet and a medium-sized tail. Realizing that it did not bite, I picked up its face to look at it. It was unlike any other dog I had seen before and I could not tell what type of dog it was. I looked into this dog’s eyes and immediately felt a connection. I immediately knew that this dog had been through some hard times. My uncle said that she was found by a man at his work and he told me that she was a girl, about five months old.

AFTER

I walked outside into a backyard that had been somewhat darkened by the sunset and I felt the mild air that is typical for spring. I was both shocked and surprised to see this live tiny brown object in the backyard. As I approached closer to the object, I realized that it was a puppy, and that it wasn’t fully brown, but more of a tanned color. I got excited and I immediately put my hand down to pet it. When I approached her, all she did was look up. Much to my surprise, she did not bite me, but rather licked and soaked my hand, apparently just as excited as I was. As she allowed me to pet her head, I immediately felt the velvet-like fur. She had a medium-sized tail, which seemed a little too big for her little body. I looked into the puppy’s eyes, and I immediately felt a connection. I knew that this puppy and I would become lifelong friends. Just by the way she looked at me, with those green eyes, I knew.

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Alyssa Montalto

1620 Highridge Prkway

Westchester, Il  60154

September 24, 2008

George Callzante

Prima La Pizza

2211 S Wolf Rd

Hillside, IL 60162

Dear George,

About a month into my employment at the restaurant, I have been feeling very sadly about the fact that I haven’t been working many days.  I believe this is unfair because I was promised a full time job in the summer by you, and I feel that I am an employee worth keeping due to my commendable work ethics. I hope we can reach common ground on why I fell this and possibly an opportunity to work more.

I’m having a difficult time understanding why I have been working less than all the other employees. I feel that the work I do is sufficient and to the best of my capability.  I haven’t made many mistakes and I feel that I greet people with a welcoming, upbeat attitude.  I truly enjoy interacting with people daily. It brings me great pleasure assisting people with their needs. I am a very sociable, easy-going person, and I feel I am very compatible with customers. I even try to start conversations with people who are waiting for their orders. Working at your restaurant has helped me to become a much more sociable person. I truly appreciate this opportunity that you have given me.

I feel that I deserve to work more than anyone else because of my financial situation. As you know, I come from a single parent household and I am responsible for many of my expenses, including college. Being that you attended Elmhurst College yourself, I’m sure you understand the amount of money that is required for tuition.  This job is my way of obtaining money for college, and this situation has made it extremely difficult for me to do so. I can only hope that you understands where I am coming from.

Above all, I feel very mislead and sadden by the fact that I was told I would work full time.  Clearly, this hasn’t happened.  I appreciate the many hours that you had me working the first couple of weeks at the restaurant, but in order to meet my expenses for college and other necessities, I need a job I can work daily and earn a steady pay check.  I have enjoyed working at your restaurant so much! My coworkers are so enjoyable to work with, and my interaction with customers is something that I really take pleasure in. This situation upsets me the most because I quit a steady job that I had during the summer because you told me I could work for you full time.  Because of this, I didn’t make enough money to pay for college, causing me to take out many loans.

This circumstance saddens me because I truly enjoy working at your restaurant, and I have developed great relationships with the other employees and bosses. I understand that, being a new restaurant, business can be slow, especially at this time of year. What I don’t understand is why you choose other employees to work more often than me. I hope you understand where I am coming from.  Thank you for your time in reading this letter.

Sincerely,

Alyssa Montalto

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Alyssa Montalto

1620 Highridge Prkway

Westchester, Il  60154

September 24, 2008

George Callzante

Prima La Pizza

2211 S Wolf Rd

Hillside, IL 60162

Dear George,

About a month into my employment at the restaurant, I have been feeling very sadly about the fact that I haven’t been working many days.  I believe this is unfair because I was promised a full time job in the summer by you, and I feel that I am an employee worth keeping due to my commendable work ethics. I hope we can reach common ground on why I fell this and possibly an opportunity to work more.

I’m having a difficult time understanding why I have been working less than all the other employees. I feel that the work I do is sufficient and to the best of my capability.  I haven’t made many mistakes and I feel that I greet people with a welcoming, upbeat attitude.  I truly enjoy interacting with people daily. It brings me great pleasure assisting people with their needs. I am a very sociable, easy-going person, and I feel I am very compatible with customers. I even try to start conversations with people who are waiting for their orders. Working at your restaurant has helped me to become a much more sociable person. I truly appreciate this opportunity that you have given me.

I feel that I deserve to work more than anyone else because of my financial situation. As you know, I come from a single parent household and I am responsible for many of my expenses, including college. Being that you attended Elmhurst College yourself, I’m sure you understand the amount of money that is required for tuition.  This job is my way of obtaining money for college, and this situation has made it extremely difficult for me to do so. I can only hope that you understands where I am coming from.

Above all, I feel very mislead and sadden by the fact that I was told I would work full time.  Clearly, this hasn’t happened.  I appreciate the many hours that you had me working the first couple of weeks at the restaurant, but in order to meet my expenses for college and other necessities, I need a job I can work daily and earn a steady pay check.  I have enjoyed working at your restaurant so much! My coworkers are so enjoyable to work with, and my interaction with customers is something that I really take pleasure in. This situation upsets me the most because I quit a steady job that I had during the summer because you told me I could work for you full time.  Because of this, I didn’t make enough money to pay for college, causing me to take out many loans.

This circumstance saddens me because I truly enjoy working at your restaurant, and I have developed great relationships with the other employees and bosses. I understand that, being a new restaurant, business can be slow, especially at this time of year. What I don’t understand is why you choose other employees to work more often than me. I hope you understand where I am coming from.  Thank you for your time in reading this letter.

Sincerely,

Alyssa Montalto

There are two purposes of my memoir. One is for the public and the bigger purpose. For them I want them <!– /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:”Cambria Math”; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:”"; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:”Times New Roman”,”serif”; mso-fareast-font-family:”Times New Roman”;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-size:10.0pt; mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} –>
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to acknowledge that dream places such as the beach, are merely abstract in the mind; they seem like great places because of the great memories that collaborate around them. They are not good or bad places, they are just places; it is the memories that are good or bad. To show this I detail the dark experiences and try my best to express my thoughts. The other purpose is for the people in this story, or people that know them. I use details that describe the people in ways that might make them laugh. and they might also laugh in the way I describe myself because they know me.

here is the paragraph I started with only revised.

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The sun, bringer of all light, said good night and left us for the dark night. My dad and I went to bed early since there was a big day ahead of us, or at least that was the excuse. When darkness fell, it usually meant leaving the outdoor activities to the bugs, gathering around the card table, playing hearts, and eating ice cream. But since we arrived solo, it seemed like extreme boredom and depression would sink in. So we tried to go to sleep so that we could abandon this day once and for all and prayed the sun would arise tomorrow. After brushing my teeth and peeling back the covers of my bed, depression had already sunk in. The room was musty and isolated, with only one small window above the head of the bead. The bedside lamp dimly lit the room. I slithered under the cool silk sheet cover and turned off the light. I was blind. And with the silence to accompany the pitch blackness, it was hard to sleep even when I pressed my eyelids together tightly and tried to think happy thoughts. I grasped for the bedside lamp switch. I found it and turned it. The rest of the night I would sleep with a light on.

Before

When it was finally time to wake up my grandpa would get up and put on his suspenders and I would follow him to the bathroom to watch him brush his teeth. The smell of his mouth wash was so strong, I didn’t know how he could hold it in his mouth for so long. I would then slide down the stairs to roll around on the blue and brown shag carpet with Honey, my Nannie’s big fat tabby cat. It wasn’t long until I was drawn to the kitchen by the smell of bacon. In the kitchen my grandpa would be sitting at the table getting ready to inject himself with insulin. This had to be the most interesting thing to me at the time. I would watch him prick himself, put his blood on some sort of meter, and then stick himself with a much longer needle, I watched him intensely, wishing I could do it for him, but I never asked because I knew he wouldn’t let me. After the bacon was all gone and my grandpa had gone off to his dry-cleaning business, my eyes became immediately glued to the cat shaped cookie jar holding the gingersnaps. My Nannie would look at me laugh and say, “What cha’ lookin’ at big eyes?” then she would smile and give me some cookies, which I would take to the living room to watch Mr.Rogger’s Neighborhood and Lamb chops.

After

When it was finally time to wake up my grandpa would get up and put on his suspenders and I would follow him to the bathroom to watch him brush his teeth. The smell of his mouth wash was so strong of mint and alcohol that I didn’t know how he could hold it in his mouth for so long. I would then slide down the stairs to roll around on the blue and brown shag carpet with Honey, my Nannie’s big fat tabby cat. Honey was the most playful of the three cats. She would lie close to me on the floor purring and playing with whatever string was hanging off of my cloths at the time. It wasn’t long until I was drawn to the kitchen by the smell of bacon. In the kitchen my grandpa would be sitting at the table getting ready to inject himself with insulin. This had to be the most interesting thing to me at the time. I would watch him prick himself, put his blood on some sort of meter, and then stick himself with a much longer needle, I watched him intensely, wishing I could do it for him, but I never asked because I knew he wouldn’t let me. After the bacon was all gone and my grandpa had gone off to his dry-cleaning business, my eyes became immediately glued to the cat shaped cookie jar holding the gingersnaps. My Nannie would look down at me with a frown pretending she was upset then laugh at me laugh and say, “What cha’ lookin’ at big eyes?” then she would smile and give me some cookies with the sweet smelling aroma of ginger and other sugary ingredients, which I would take to the living room to watch Mr.Rogger’s Neighborhood and Lamb chops.

After After conversing with everyone, the aroma of food fills the air. Smoked ham, broccoli, mashed potatoes, and creamy gravy seeps into our thoughts. Along side these smells comes the smells of ( German named pieces here). My two younger brothers and I join our cousins on the smaller round table.

” Hey Ryan, do you have a Game boy?” I ask.

” Yeah I do.” He responds.

” What games do you play?” I ask curiously.

” Oh I have this M&M Racing game, Donkey Kong, and Pokemon.” He states.

” I love Pokemon, which color version of the game do you have?” I ask.

” Red.” He responds.

” Me too! I exclaim.Too bad you didn’t bring your Game boy or we could have battled”.

At this time, my tante Petra carries over a ( German dish) and asks, ” Do you boys want to try this ( germen dish) your oma has prepared?” All of us shake our heads no. ” Could you please bring over the mashed potatoes,” I asked? ” Of course I can ( germen word for sweetheart).” The candle in the middle of the table seems to dim. On the other side, the other table contains my older brother and all of the adults. There are 4 candles in the middle blazing with light. ( Conversation between my grandma and my dad, and a conversation between my grandma and tante Petra). I notice our glasses are plastic while theirs are glass. As our candle becomes shorter, our plates become cleaner, and our hunger for the cookies grow.

Revision Workshop 2:

1. The main point that I want readers to get out of my writing is that the NFL should shorten its preseason to three games.

2. I use examples of injuries that happen during the preseason and also use other examples to show that it should be shortened. Showing how long and grueling training camp is and practice, that the preseason doesn’t have to be that long.

3. The reader should feel the pain that NFL players go through when they get injured in a game that means nothing. Also they should get the feeling of anticipation, wanting the regular season to start sooner. They should be able to understand all the hard work players put into training for the season and how they would rather put it into games that count for something.

1. I think the preseason should be changed to three games from four. The preseason doesn’t matter at all and too many players get injured in meaningless games, taking away from their career and the team’s success. While injuries are a part of the game, it would make more sense and have a meaning if the players were injured in regular season games that actually counted instead of wasting their time training only to get hurt in a meaningless preseason game.

2. This passage is the introduction to the petition so it should state my main point clearly which it does. Then I say things about players getting injured too much in preseason games and that it would be better for the league and the fans for the star players to not get hurt in preseason games so shorten the preseason to help prevent this from happening.

3. I should add more too it by taking some of the things I just wrote in #2 and incorporating them into the paragraph.

4. Revised: I think the NFL preseason should be changed from four games to three. The preseason doesn’t matter at all and too many players get injured in meaningless games, taking away from their career and the team’s success. Put yourself in an NFL stars shoes and imagine you had just gotten injured in a preseason game and you will miss a significant time of the regular season. The things you probably feel are disappointment and anger that you had trained so hard and then gotten injured in an exhibition game. While injuries are a part of the game, it would make more sense and have a meaning if the players got to play in the regular season games that actually counted instead of wasting their time training only to get hurt in a meaningless preseason game. It would be better for the league and the fans for the star players to not get hurt in the preseason, so support this cause and help shorten the preseason to help prevent this from happening.

1. What is the main theme, idea, or point that you want your reader to get from this text? I want reader to understand how everyone came together and everyone was there for each other, even if they didnt know that person.
2. What mental images or other sensory impressions will help your reader accept and/or understand your main theme, idea, or point? They will understand the main point when reading about the senery and how everyone was feeling at the time.
3. In other words, what should your reader see, hear, feel–or even smell or taste? My reader should see  in thier head a vision of the correr everyone is at and what is happending in the reading. They should get the feeling of the smell, as i state there is a fire.

1.) When I arrived to the corner of Eighth Street there were a million of teens and parents there already. I remember everyone wearing P.J.S and their casual clothes holding candles.  Everyone there was standing on the grass next to the light post where he had got ran over and then I got out of the car after we parked and had seen all of my friends their huddled around a little fire with the Usher C.D. playing( he loved that Usher C.D.) and every one in tears. I was just in complete shock and I didn’t know how to react to the situation.  Everyone came up to me and hugged me and started to cry. I couldn’t help it and I began to ball my eyes out. I sat around the fire with everyone. Everyone was just crying and looking at each other while us all held hands. The vibe around us was just the feel of knowing we had lost one of are real best friends.

2.) This passage  contribute to the readers on the main theme of want everyone was feeling and also how everyone was coming together as one.

3.) This passage should be revised as understanding the seen and feeling the togetherness at that time.I dont think this is overwhelming. Maybe I could make things clearer and give more detail in the seen. I think that this does convey a strong image for people to see, like i said before this part can most likely be strengthened to make it better and to give a better visual seen in thier heads.

1. The main theme of this paper is to persuade my friend to see why it is important to vote. I want the reader to be able to understand my valid points and persuade them to want to vote. I want my reader to reconsider their thoughts about voting after reading this letter.

2. Some mental images I wrote about included the women’s voting rights act. I wanted to reader to remember how much hard work the women had to go through to get us the right to vote. I wanted to the reader to understand that voting is a privilege that is not given to citizens of other countries.

3. When my reader reads the paper they should be able to see the hard work that the women went through to get us these rights. I want my reader to feel like she is important and her vote does matter in choosing our president.

1. Finally, women should actively exercise their rights to vote. Before the 1920’s, women did not have a say in anything that occurred in the country. Men were considered to be more dominant and only their opinions and rights mattered. Susan B. Anthony was one of the many people that were involved in the Women’s Suffrage, which promoted the idea of giving women the right to vote. She was a well known civil rights activist that believed that women had just the same rights as men to vote. The people involved in the suffrage went through so many struggles and hardships to give us, their future generations, the right to vote. It would be a disgrace if we overlook their hard work and dedication and chose not to voice our opinions. Now that we are given our rights, we should take this opportunity to make our country a better place.

2. This passage should contribute to the readers understanding of my main point by making her see the pain and suffering and all the years they worked to give women the right to vote. This passage should entice the reader to want to take the right she has been given and make her voice heard. Most people don’t realize what they have until it’s taken away from them so I want her to see the life the women had before we were able to vote.

3. I think this passage can be revised by adding more detail and setting a scene where she can actually feel like she is experiencing the hardships the women were experiencing. Another way it can be revised is by writing in dates to show her how long it took women to finally get the right to vote. I don’t think the paper contains too much detail; I want to include more detail in this section because it was a very important part in women getting their rights to vote.

4.

Finally, women should actively exercise their rights to vote. Before the 1920’s, women did not have a say in anything that occurred in the country. Men were considered to be more dominant and only their opinions and rights mattered. The Declaration of Sentiments was a document written in 1848 it was a document that demanded women to receive the same rights as men to vote. Susan B. Anthony was one of the many people that were involved in the Women’s Suffrage, which promoted the idea of giving women the right to vote. She was a well known civil rights activist that believed that women had just the same rights as men to vote. The people involved in the suffrage went through so many struggles and hardships to give us, their future generations, the right to vote. Women were finally given the right to vote in 1920. It took 72 years for women to finally receive our rights to vote. It would be a disgrace if we overlook their hard work and dedication and chose not to voice our opinions. Now that we are given our rights, we should take this opportunity to make our country a better place.